"Don't Look Back"

"Don't look back" is almost like telling someone "don't look down" when they are way up high. No matter how much you know you should listen to that advice, it's so hard to heed it and fight the urge to do exactly what you were told NOT to do. It's  not like you really needed to be reminded, but hearing it almost makes it that much harder to resist when you're already fighting the temptation inside to begin with.

That's how I've been feeling. I know that my focus needs to be forward and upward. I don't want to look back on the past and get stuck there. My life is in the present and moving onward toward the future. I don't want to be brought down. I want to keep looking up and not focus on falling down, but trust that I am going to continue to be able to make my climb upwards. I know I'm in good hands and that God is providing for me.

I have expressed to several friends and family members (and even through this blog) how emotional the whole moving process has been for me. I'm sure I'm not the first or last to feel this way. Moving is a known stressor and it's taxing on anyone no matter how positive the transition is. I have been triggered in so many ways, and I'm struggling a lot inside. Even though I know that I'm at a very positive turning point in my life now, I'm still maybe in a state of shock about it all. Even though it's been a process, a lot of it feels like it happened so fast. This blog entry is being composed as I sit here in my very own house with my kids asleep in their own rooms. I'm still trying to take all that in!

The thing that I can't get out of my head are those phrases above. My Mom actually said it the other day when I had called her on Friday as I was remembering the 20th anniversary of Uncle Brett's passing. It's hard to believe that it's been two decades, but we've all had to move forward. Of course, we never forget him (and we still miss him) but we wouldn't be living if we stayed submersed in the past. That's what I had to be reminded of when I was telling Mom about my vast array of emotions lately. She uttered that simple phrase I mentioned, "Don't look back". For some reason, it just resonated with me in a fresh way and I remembered in the Bible what happened to Lot's wife when she looked back:

And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground. But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt. - Genesis 19:25-26

It was pointed out in a sermon that I once heard that the heart of Lot's wife was still back in those cities. She was fleeing those wicked places and the Lord told them not to look back. She just couldn't help herself. Her heart wasn't focused on the good and safe place that she was headed; it was back in the places of evil and destruction. So, she ended up destroying herself.

This is something I have really had to be mindful of. I am in a new, safe, and good place; not just in regards to this new house, but in my life as well. I am headed in a fresh new direction. God is doing great things and it's wonderful! However, if I don't keep my heart in the present, I'm going to destroy myself the way Lot's wife did. I can't allow my heart and mind to live in the past. The past isn't all bad things or anything, but thinking too much on the people, things, and events that WERE is going to hinder me from what IS! There is a new plan and purpose now. That drawing board has been erased. It's clean and fresh and ready for new blueprints! It's time to focus on the new design!

Grace and peace to you, my friends! I am learning so much as things in my life continue to change. It's one heck of a journey and I pray that as I go through all this, someone reading this might just be helped in their life too. We're all in this together! Keep your eyes forward and keep walking on the good path, my friends! Fix your eyes on Jesus...and don't look back! Be infused! God bless you!